Going home from the hospital was, in many ways, the best experience, but it was also a scary one.
I got to hold my daughter, sleep in my bed, take a shower and eat what and when I wanted to.
However, the protective nature of the hospital and its personnel was lost, and it scared me a little.
Those wonderful nurses, the long line of doctors rounding each morning, even the food cart with its very mediocre yet nutritious food that was given to me on a tray. Do I actually miss this?
Now everything was up to me.
Taking my pills at the right time, measuring my weight and blood pressure daily, making my bed, and being social in a way I had not needed before.
All this took energy. Frankly, it gave me a little fear.
It is interesting since I am, in many ways, a control freak. I crave being in charge of my own actions and outcomes. Yet in four short days I had forfeited that responsibility and surrendered to the hospital.
It took me a full day, but on Day 6, which is Day 2 at home, I feel more myself again. Now I am already longing to drive myself, to be “back” fully.
My promise remains true, to myself and to my family, to take it slow. So my energy is going to be expended toward walks, conversations with my sister, story time with my daughter, and planning for a beautiful garden this spring!