The second kidney

Karin

…or the third or fourth… or the second liver or heart …

It was hard for me when I realized that my Father’s kidney was failing and I needed to ask yet another person to save my life. My sister was so generous and it was not a hard conversation but I was very worried and I felt a lot of guilt and failure when I realized that the first kidney was not going to take me all the way. I don’t know how you feel, but I thought it worth posing the question and offering my help if someone is going through this now!

Jeanmarie

Thank you Karin for this post. I have started the process for a second kidney. Although I feel my father's kidney has been a success with 18 years, there is still guilt swirling around. My long time friend from high school has offered to be my next living donor and for some reason I feel so guilty too. Going through this whole process again has surfaced so many different feelings. I am much more emotional this time around. Could be my age.

Mattkidney

Hi Karin and Jeanmarie,

I have been blessed to receive two kidneys. Both were from people who had passed. The first lasting 19 years and the second 10 and counting... The feelings of sadness and guilt are very real as our first kidney transplants begin to sunset. We all understand it is a very real possibility our transplants may not last our lifetimes but it is very, very emotionally and physically challenging when the reality sets in. There is both the mental and physical challenges.

Mentally we try to live our lives the best we can. In my case, I try to find a balance of being mentally engaged with my transplant and health realities and also just not always thinking about it. As I am sure you know, it is okay to acknowledge how challenging it can be confronting a transplant. You have successfully walked this road before and there is quiet comfort knowing prior experience will carry you through. As you mentioned, it did and still does seem more emotional the second time. In your cases, I'm sure it is very rewarding and equally challenging when a friend or family member offers to donate. Overwhelmed with appreciation and also the fears that accompany these type situations. We are older and have a full understanding of what is ahead. We don't want to let your donors, donor families and people that count on us down. I am sure they would say our lives pay homage to their incredible gift.

Physically the doctors will test your antibodies to see how primed your immune system is to "see" the new kidney. Even if your antibodies are high there are ways to work around it.

We transplant patients are some of the bravest, most disciplined and tough people walking the earth. We inhabit a space that is unique to our experience.

Wishing you well.

Matt

Jeanmarie

Thank you so much Matt for your beautiful answer. It is comforting to hear that my emotions seem to be normal as I embark on this new part of the transplant journey. You seem to have quite the journey yourself.

Jsimon

I’m new to this forum and seeking a second kidney. A lengthy bout with COVID this past summer left me on dialysis and accelerated the damage to my first transplant.

My wife and I have been on the kidney swap list for three years with no results. I've also had three potential donors, including my daughter, get tested. Unfortunately, I have too many antibodies or the wrong types. So I’m expanding my search and going more public with my need for a kidney, something I’m a bit uncomfortable with.

i’d love some advice or suggested strategies for doing a broader search. Has anyone used social media, or reached out to networks of friends and acquaintances? I’d be interested to hear about your experience and any advice you might have.

Second, my transplant coordinator has suggested my wife should consider an “advanced donation” of her kidney in exchange for my getting “higher priority” on the National Kidney Register’s recipient list. I’m not totally sure yet what that really means or how helpful it is in getting a kidney. Does anyone have a similar experience?

thanks.